Wednesday, January 8, 2014

PTSD and Recovery for Sam and Deeks

PTSD - Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a type of anxiety disorder. It can occur after you have gone through an extreme emotional trauma that involved the threat of injury or death. 

Through 5x02-Impact, 5x05-Unwritten Rule and 5x06-Big Brother, NCIS LA seems to show what PTSD looks like for men returning from action. They hint the most common symptoms that people develop - anxiety, risky behaviour, suicidal acts, Cold hands (Raynaud's syndrome) and stress cardiomyopathy.

For Sam, the emotional trauma he underwent during his torture was relatively easy to recover from. He is a Navy Seal and trained to handle torture and extreme circumstances. Yes, being so close to losing Michelle in the Siderov and Nukes Recovery case in 4x24 and 5x01 episodes, Sam was emotionally under a lot of stress, so much that he lost it with his partner Deeks while on the case. Torture followed him soon later on the mission. And even then, being close to getting killed, the weight that was on his mind was his protective feelings about his wife Michelle who was still on the mission. Sam never actually felt the void emotionally for him to feel the trauma of Siderov's torture. He had his vested interests in the mission and once having saved his wife, he had solid support from his wife and Partner Callen so that he comes to term of feeling the loss that he was almost going to get had it not been for Deeks who saved his life first and then later came on the scene to save Michelle. Like Sam said, he owed to Deeks for the rest of his life for backing him up inspite of him being a jerk with him, while on the mission. 

There were a lot of things happening for Sam over his mind while he was under torture. Likewise once out of it he had lot of support from family and friend. He has a worried wife in Michelle and also has a worried partner in Callen to see through his recovery. Michelle doesn't let Sam do his dishes or Callen buys expensive tickets to Laker's game. And personally, Sam is a tough Seal trained to handle and recover. These were the things that let him quickly recover from his trauma. He explains to Nate Getz, his psychologist, one has to "let go", as there is nothing one can do about it. That is the mantra of recovery from the traumatic shocks. And he loves the fact that people care about him. But then it also adds to his anxiety. He is anxious about that day, when he loses it, when he is unable to let it go and he is unable to reconnect to rationality, and what would be the consequences for those who depend on him to protect them. Sam confessed to Nate, that his trauma is beginning to get "cumulative" and his worry is about his ability to "reconnect" like always. He worries about that, but for now decides to push it to the back of the mind and enjoy life without worry, with his loved ones.

For Deeks, the recovery from his emotional trauma is not not so easy. Unlike Sam, Deeks had contrarian situations. He had been singled out in the mission from the rest of the team and was kept on overwatch for Sam. Sam did not want him. Deeks felt himself as the third wheel. If this was not enough, there was an emotional drift between him and his partner Kensi Blye. Amidst solving their issues, in the heat of the moment he kissed her, but they did not have time to discuss what it meant. The emotional drift transformed into the white elephant in the room for them. All of this was taking a toll on Deeks mind with actually none to share his feelings, with nothing to feel proud about and just going about doing his job. May be it was becoming a thankless job. May be he was not the cop that he thought he was, if people cannot trust him. May be doesn't belong to NCIS OSP office and he need not be working anymore with the team, if he cannot be treated as par with them or people have doubts about his character and work style. It is this void, lack of support in the form of friends or colleagues and finally the doubts arising within him about his being suited for the job, which adds to his anxiety post Siderov's torture.


On the physical recovery side, he has new teeth transplanted, slowly recovering to have food from liquid to solid food. However emotional recovery seems distant. Instead he slips into PTSD. He starts worrying about voices in his head and starts wondering whether, he is truly a "Shaggy" like his team calls him, or "schizophrenic" like his partner called him. He starts feeling "halfway being a homeless" as he doesn't feel he belongs to anyplace in particular or anyone whom he can go and feel something with him. He starts feeling the drift. Best understood as it starts when he talks to Sam in the hospital, about "Done being a Cop", when he talks to Kensi in the Bullpen at OSP about what he plans to do "I don't know", when he talks to Hetty at his home about him having a case of "Insomnia" and when finally talking to Nate, the OSP Psychologist; about what worries him and why he is unable to sleep. He is worried why his mind won't stop running and what happens if it does not stop. Nate explains that its a positive sign indeed for him to worry about it and that does mean that he is on the right path. 


It is also amply clear to Nate that Deeks doesn't have any support system that he can fall back on like Sam could. There is no one at Deeks home or in his mind a friend who can take care of him or if he could talk to. This causes his concsious mind to concentrate on his worries rather than sleeping and having his subconscious resolve the worry for him by adding a meaning to the torture and trauma he underwent. Nate tries to help Deeks, by providing a possible support in his partner Kensi Blye. As a psychologist, Nate cannot suggest anything, but he just adds that reference so that Deeks can start thinking about something else than his worries. Indeed the thought of Kensi is much more warmer and meaningful than him trying to find an answer to his anxieties in a fast track manner. However, as it seems wonderful, its not that easy to just talk to Kensi, especially now that he kissed her and doesn't know what to do next. Kensi never raised it again. He doesn't know whether she approves it or disapproves it. So what happens next? Ball is in Kensi's court.


Readers can read my other analysis I wrote about the Impact on Deeks that caused a greater trauma to resolve. "
The Understated Action and Psychological Drift through Season 4 Ending to Season 5 Cold Opening"

Like Nate and Hetty rightly observe for people dealing with their PTSD, they need to have support systems in place. Hetty starts it with a carrot and stick approach. She makes a visit to Deeks apartment and expresses to him that she needs him to report back to duty, if he does not want her to start looking for a replacement for Kensi for a new partner. It works indeed. All of a sudden Deeks feels "wanted". He means something to his Manager and so she took the trouble of visiting him at his home. Now he has to see if Kensi feels him wanted as much at workplace. But that thought only opens up the can of worms in his mind.  Kensi has been calling him. Repeatedly and he has been declining her calls. Why? Why is unable to talk to her? What has changed? He doesn't know if she is calling him with the sympathy she has for her partner or she actually cares about him. She definitely cares about him. But that care is only for him as her work-partner. Whereas He, loves her. What if she doesn't feel the same about him. He cannot resolve truly, what he has with Kensi for a relationship, just the partnership or something he longs for more from her. Kensi doesn't provide him any hint. It keeps on adding anxiety to his already anxious mind yet to recover from the emotional trauma. Wish he could just sleep! so that he could go back to work and see how matters stand right now with Kensi !


Amazingly, Kensi lands at his doorstep, with dinner in her hand. She wants to avenge Deeks ignoring her Cronuts that she put at his doorstep. She wants him to have dinner with her and also watch a boring movie "Burnt Offering". After all Kensi doesn't just want him as her work partner. She wants him to watch along with her, the bore movies that she loves. She loves them indeed, but cannot watch them alone. She is now wanting to watch one with him. Ofcourse, it may not have been direct saying by Kensi that she loves him. But when has been Kensi been direct with him or said more than what she wanted to say. Kensi does love him. Its a Love Story indeed between him and Kensi. That is how he is able to answer the question that Nate posted about his relationship with Kensi. 


A visit from Hetty, Nate and Kensi suddenly makes Deeks feel at home, come away from drifting into being homeless. He sleeps. Insomnia getting recovered. That was in 5x02 Impact.  Pretty soon from thereon, Deeks starts on his healing journey. The slow journey of Deeks recuperating from his PTSD and his anxiety issues starts through his reactionary approach to interactions around him. The ice-breaking moment is of course him rejoining the team in 5x03-Omni. Hetty gifts him with a new gun but having same safety manual. That's how much well his boss knows him. So does Kensi know his personal preferences about his gun. What else can he want? Two of his dearly loved women taking care of him now. But is he ready for work? Can he shoot? That's his anxiety. Hetty's note to not close the box, forces him to test himself at the firing range.  Kensi's questions if he is back to work, forces him to accept that yes, he is back to work, but one day at a time. After a day of work with hits (diving down to save a woman's life) and misses (failing to gun down a man), Callen states to him, that he cannot accept him back to work if he keeps second-guessing himself. That forces Deeks to look into Callen's eyes and say that he is ready for work.


Deeks anxiety is now centered on Kensi. Kensi had mentioned to him “how she missed him at work". Kensi’s words and actions matter to him. She missed him, then he makes sure that he comes to work regularly. She is worried about him not taking a shot or trying too hard to make him a competitive Agent. Yes, he indulged in wall climbing competition with Callen to make her happy in 5x04 episode. He never ever did that before.He is bent on proving to her and everyone that he is doing good, ready to take any kind of risky job. If she thinks he is trying to kill himself by riding a motor bicycle like in 5x05 episode, because statistics speak so about a PTSD patient, then he wants to prove her otherwise that he is taking care of his health by doing exercise that is good for his heart through a treadmill installed at his work station in 5x06 episode. All of this is going quite overboard with his antics to address Kensi's concerns and make her go away from baby-sitting him. Her answer to his saying that "she does not have to worry about him" is that she does have to worry about him as he is her partner. It is good to hear that but it is certainly not pleasing for Deeks to get saved by Kensi like it happens in 5x05.  This is now certainly directing him to address his anxiety around his "emotional center" like Hetty warns. His emotional center is Kensi and Kensi is certainly more worried about him than she should be. He needs to quieten down for her sake, so she can calm down. Further, he needs to focus and get his emotional control back. He needs to get away from doing what Kensi does, bike rides, competitions etc and instead do what is pleasing to him.


He has to take support from Hetty to find himself back. Without Hetty's support and guidance, Deeks would not have known what he has to do. Those four episodes from Impact to Livelong Day, all have Hetty's push for Deeks to get better. His treadmill idea is not taken seriously and seen as an antic by everyone in 5x06, but Deeks sees it as non-risky diversion for him away from Kensi and infact a good exercise to stabilize his emotions. However, he realizes how bored he is trying it too hard to make any point. He starts letting it go, starts relaxing in his natural way. He is back to taking caffiene, coffee like he does normally. That is the 5x06-Big Brother Stakeout moment in the car, where without his realizing, he starts teasing Kensi like his old self. He is picqued that she doesn't like a moustache and here he is with all that bearded face. He teases her about her dislike for facial hair. Its a small gesture though, but definitely the indolent, easy going, drawling Deeks is back.  


The next episode 5x07-Livelong Day has him finding fun by himself reading about planetary movements, studying Astrology. Mercury in retrogade is fun, but more importantly the case closes with Deeks not only enjoying his undercover Ops with Kensi in a very comfortable way, it closes with Deeks getting the Prairie Tac train to play that he had yearned as a child since he was five. To me that was the moment, when it felt to me that Deeks was cured of his PTSD. His childlike innocence, sparkle, imagination and twinkle in his eye takes him away from all cares and just lets him into his native Deeks state, which he was so worried of losing as expressed when talking to his psychologist Nate Getz. Probably that moment on everything starts making sense. It is also the episode where Deeks plays the undercover part of FRA employee Matthew who suffers from OCD and has anxiety issues on a simple case as Fire alarm ringing. Deeks in clear contrast is far recovered from PTSD issues. He is now playing with those symptoms to work on his undercover role. It is also the episode where Hetty instead of indulging his wishes or chastising him, just teases him with pleasure about his Mercury retrogade talk and also shares his excitement about the old train, though in excitement she does ruin his effort about building the track for the train and spoiling the fun for him. She is confident about Deeks in every way that he was recovered and it was also an excitement within her with the same feelings as Deeks for the train. That settles the matters for everyone including Deeks, that his antics or eccentricities can be fun and emotional for others too. No more anxiety issues and no more Deeks antics in Bullpen to make a point. 

Monday, January 6, 2014

Densi - It's a Love Story -The punchline of Season 5

Deeks-The connection that is felt and acknowledged to himself.

5x01-Ascension : "The place I went into my head to stop the pain...was you. I just kept thinking about your smile ...about your laugh...and everything. For whatever its worth."

Deeks mentions to Kensi, not knowing if he will ever come back to work because of the torture he underwent. It was safe for him to say something that was truth for him and not care what Kensi would think about it. And he relapses to his PTSD state, somewhere back of his mind, Kensi reaction to his spontaneous kiss and his declaration about her as his security zone, or his home matters to him. But Kensi does not respond to him. Its the way the story is written by the writers for Deeks's Love Story. Kensi has to focus on the mission or be interrupted by Callen and Sam.

5x02-Impact: “What about Kensi ? How do you describe your partnership with Kensi ? You have a special relationship with Kensi like Callen and Sam have. What is that ingredient that makes it unique about your partnership and different from all others ?”

Those are the questions and prompts that Nate Getz posts to Deeks to get him out of his PTSD state so that he focusses himself on who cares about him rather than grappling with his pain and solitude that cannot be undone or removed. Deeks gets defensive and protective about his feelings for Kensi and he does not disclose anything to Nate. Its like Deeks, of all things, he is worried about, he is most worried about his relationship with Kensi and would do anything to guard his feelings get exposed and protect his relationship with Kensi. Nate reports the same to Hetty. “He's hurting. He CAN return to work. Whether he will or not, it is for Deeks to make the decision.” He needs to sleep so he can get rest and resolve his trauma. About his relationship with Kensi, Nate reports to Hetty that “Its complicated.” “He's very close to Kensi.” Hetty understands and completes his thoughts, “Too close to return”.

Like Nate and Hetty rightly observe for people dealing with their PTSD, they need to have support systems in place. Hetty starts it with a carrot and stick approach. She makes a visit to Deeks apartment and expresses to him that she needs him to report back to duty, if he does not want her to start looking for a replacement for Kensi for a new partner. It works indeed. All of a sudden Deeks feels "wanted". He means something to his Manager and so she took the trouble of visiting him at his home. Now he has to see if Kensi feels him wanted as much at workplace. But that thought only opens up the can of worms in his mind. Kensi has been calling him. Repeatedly and he has been declining her calls. As much as it seems wonderful to talk to , its not that easy to just talk to Kensi, especially now that he kissed her and doesn't know what to do next. Kensi never raised it again. He doesn't know whether she approves it or disapproves it. So what happens next? It has become an elephant in the room. He doesn't know if she is calling him with the sympathy she has for her partner or she actually cares about him. She definitely cares about him. But that care is only for him as her work-partner. Whereas He, loves her. What if she doesn't feel the same about him. He cannot resolve truly, what he has with Kensi for a relationship, just the partnership or something he longs for more from her. Kensi doesn't provide him any hint. It keeps on adding anxiety to his already anxious mind yet to recover from the emotional trauma. Wish he could just sleep! so that he could go back to work and see how matters stand right now with Kensi ! 

Caught unawares, Kensi lands at his doorstep, with dinner in her hand. She wants to avenge Deeks ignoring her Cronuts that she put at his doorstep. She wants him to have dinner with her and also watch a boring movie "Burnt Offering". After all Kensi doesn't just want him as her work partner. She wants him to watch along with her, the bore movies that she loves. She loves them indeed, but cannot watch them alone. She is now wanting to watch one with him. Ofcourse, it may not have been direct saying by Kensi that she loves him. But when has been Kensi been direct with him or said more than what she wanted to say. Kensi does love him. Its a Love Story" indeed between him and Kensi. That is how he is able to answer the question that Nate posted about his relationship with Kensi in his sleep, when he is finally able to beat his insomnia. An affirmation in his mind about the kiss, why he thought about her when he was being tortured and how it stopped his pain. She is his home and everything feels right when she is besides him.

The ending scene between Deeks and Kensi was eventful in the sense of giving us the punchline of Season 5 “Its a Love Story.” Beautiful music playing around, nervous Deeks at receiving Kensi into his home, Deeks finding his banter with Kensi, Deeks falling into sleep as Kensi chatters on about “Burnt Offering” movie and finally Deeks subconscious making a statement about his relationship with Kensi; it was nice follow-up to Hetty and Nate’s scene. The quotable quote from Deeks was the description about Cronut. “Its like America made slow and sweet love to France and made a pastry baby.” I cannot help thinking of so many of Deeks "Wanna Make Babies" jokes with Kensi about Little Ninja Assassins and Little Marty Deeks!
Question for us is to understand, if a love story has to be borne out of security one provides amidst all the insecurity they personally feel. Is that what love boils down to? I am reminded of this anonymous quote: "Without respect, love is lost. Without caring, love is boring. Without honesty, love is unhappy. Without trust, love is unstable." No doubt, the security that Deeks and Kensi feel around each other stems from the mutual respect, care, honesty and trust they have for each other. Even if there are compelling circumstances that can make them not think about themselves as "Not a Good Idea to be together", because of the complications, all that trust, honesty, care and respect, make it hard for them to not see that "they are meant to be together".

[For a detailed development of the love story arc for Densi or Keeks across the seasons, readers can read my other analysis I wrote on Densi Graph "The Densi Graph - The Watershed, The Deal-Breaker, the Ice-Breaker and the Catalyctic moments"]

5x07-The Livelong Day

Deeks starts making effort to get closer to Kensi on the personal level. Its almost as if Deeks is playing his cards well with the girl he is interested in. He is collecting all characteristic information on Kensi through horoscope and actually talking to her, touching her, teasing her. He is comfortable and enjoys his undercover Ops with her. [He is wrong though about his astrological knowledge. Ram is Aries and Goat is Capricorn. Kensi was right. Proves that Kensi has zodiac & astrological planetary knowledge that is better in basics than Deeks.] The only difference that comes across to between this Season 5 Deeks and season 4 Deeks , interested in Kensi is that this Deeks is softer and actually treats Kensi as a princess. There are no rough edges to his banter with her even if he is having fun with her. The closeness between the two starts looking like dancing and talking...just that in their case, they are agents in action. We can notice how Deeks gets smiley and has musical and musing tones while talking to Kensi. Its like he is trying to create a symphony with her.


Kensi - The Articulation and Acceptance
5x09-The Recovery: "Once again you are trying to say something without actually saying it. And its driving me nuts. "You asked me out on a date without asking me for a date". Now it keeps going this way and we can't communicate, we have been over this, you are never gonna say it and if this is the way its going to be, I don't know how....."


Kensi wants Deeks to articulate what he feels about her. Kensi would never have thought Deeks can ask her out in those words, "I don't wanna be here with you right now. I wanna be at my place right now. With you". That's his way of asking her out. To be honest and say what matters to him most. There's nothing like regular asking out for date. But that is what exactly how Densi are to each other. Kensi needs to be in control of the direction the ship sails in and so Deeks calls her into his Wheelhouse to steer the ship along with him or if she wants take it over completely, then she could; as he wouldn't mind it at all; she is still in his ship. Who would have thought Hetty was meaning this earlier in the episode, when the writer Gil Grant made her say..."something more in your natural wheelhouse" !!!


Watch this gif Densi Ship Sails ; created beautifully by Densi fan Sunshine and Gunpowder.

5x09-Recovery is done in a quite romantic, mellowed manner. We can feel romance in the air around Densi. The same shoulder touching closeness while walking or standing and pushing through shoulders continues with Deeks in this episode too. End of the episode, it becomes obvious that it is quiet noticeable to others. What comes across is that Deeks is more and more engaging himself with Kensi in physical manner and Kensi does not mind it at all. It is clear to him that she is not minding his increasing liberties he is taking with regards to the personal space defined between them as partners and it is getting blurred somewhere. Deeks acts totally lost to love and doing whatever Kensi does and forgetting what he does usually. Not that it affects his working on the case, but we can easily see that he allows Kensi and Hetty to fully control him and his lines coming all wrong to his own personal embarrassment. By the end of the episode, Deeks who seems to suffer from Kensi addiction, meaning the "can’t have enough of Kensi's company", has a recovery route to take her out to dinner which of course creates nagging feeling of deja vu for Kensi. She doesn’t want to be on ambiguous footing anymore. She would rather be asked for her interest and claimed straight for her affection rather than beating around the bush. Deeks doesn’t disappoint Kensi, the moment he understands what she wants of him. He tells her, "I want to be at my place right now, with you." It seemed a mammoth task to say it out, he said it all feeling the trepidation of rejection, but he said it resolutely without any ramble. And when he said it, its like Rosie Golan’s song, “We got what we wanted”. That was for us, the viewers vested in their relationship.

5x10-The Frozen Lake: "Its not gonna work. I am standing on my frozen lake."
It being a procedural drama, the show cannot focus on romantic encounters, but Recovery was one of that feel good romantic episode, where everything is light headed and it gets giddy in head. The romantic night of togetherness progresses into dawn as the Densi ship sails through. And that is where these two wake up in 5x10 -Frozen Lake episode as reality of working as partners together hits them hard like the cracking icy surface of the frozen lake. The complications of the job when two people start to care and how their hold-back may affect the job at which they were so great. 

Love for each other gets the better of their fears and by the end of the episode. Kensi gives her commitment to Deeks; and Deeks gets a better grip about his love for Kensi. He cannot afford to be lost in her affection but be in control to take care of what they have between them, nurture their thing. In martial arts sense, it is something they would have to walk on ice without breaking the frozen surface and grab it from the center of the frozen lake. Metaphorically, it just means that journey is going to be difficult and there is no circumventing of that difficult journey if they want what they desire. It brings them back to how they started calling their dynamic. A Thing, No Thing, This Thing, Our Thing. Yes, Kensi says, "We are gonna figure this out. All we have to do is talk about it". Deeks makes her promise that she talks about it and as soon as she promises he right away teases her to clarify "this" as "our thing". He gets her to start talking. It was the loveliest moment to see them so happy looking into each other's faces, proud of each other for making it to the place they desired to be in. It was lovely watch with us noticing their quirky habits of showing their happy selves.

These episodes also sort of brought some kind of understanding for undercover names and personas Fern and Max for Kensi and Deeks. Kensi can keep Deeks alter-ego Max in check, turn him away from being ruthless, pull back the Deeks inside him. Likewise Deeks can secure the vulnerable but fun loving Fern inside Kensi by providing the honest, kind and charming soul to turn to for comfort and wamth. It was endearing to see them talking as Fern and Max and each referring the real other as their Boy-friend and Girl friend.

Watch these beautiful gifs I found over tumblr world.http://sdncisla.tumblr.com/post/68817494029/Kensi-Blye-Frozen-Lake
http://sdncisla.tumblr.com/post/68819396762-boy-and-girl-hanging-out
http://sdncisla.tumblr.com/post/68819305080/deeks-she-shes-the-bravest
http://sdncisla.tumblr.com/post/68819530043/my-partner-does-not go-unarmed
http://sdncisla.tumblr.com/post/68819720739/the-other-side-of-this-life-densi-our-thing
http://sdncisla.tumblr.com/post/68819865569/the-other-side-of-this-life-densi-chemistry
http://sdncisla.tumblr.com/post/68819959831/anything



Densi - Being in Love-The Happy Side 

I read somewhere that there are 15 factors which let us know if one is in love. They are Happiness, Connection, Concern, Tingling, Constant togetherness, Regular communication, Professing love, Want to help, Daydreaming, Easy communication, Bragging, Pampering, Hobby hopping, Compromise and Changing. To think of it Densi have all these traits in their relationship. They are happy with each other, concerned, feel a connection, feel the butterflies in their stomach, want to be constantly together, regularly communicate with each other, yes they keep texting to each other, professing the emotions felt. 

5x11-Iron Curtain Rising, 5x12-Merry Evasion, 5x13-Allegiance

Ever since Kensi got sent out to Afghanistan for her classifies mission, even the geographical distance has not subdued the longing for each other. They missed each other sorely, so much that they were bitter and slipped into nostalgic memories whilst in the middle of the conversations with others, were happy looking at each other's pictures and Kensi was adoring Deeks on the camel, that once she was irritated of. That is how much she is changed over Deeks, now that she is in love with him. All of this is shown in 5x11-Iron Curtain Rising. If you watch this, making-up-for-missing-you-pictures-of-you-is-all-I-have , you will understand what I am talking about. In 5x12-Merry Evasion, Deeks cannot stop talking about Kensi when with Nell in the field. He fondly remembers Kensi's habits and keeps talking of them quite proud about it, though it seems as if he found her habits weird. When finally contact is established between Densi, through Hetty provided Satellite Phones, Densi cannot stop gushing with shyness and yet gush out emotions as coherently as they can make sense of their situation. Kensi misses Home and Deeks says, its no home at all without Kensi. Watch this. In 5x13-Allegiance, they find means to stay connected with each other at all times, even if they are not allowed to communicate with each other. Instagram becomes their communication channel. Check this out. And not only that Deeks tries learning a new language, trying to be useful for the team. It is a trait that Kensi had, to augment team's skills and now Deeks takes to it by himself. Deeks who never expressed any eagerness to join NCIS, he shows a change by trying to learn a new language. He is trying to change himself for Kensi. And that sense of trepidation does not leave them at all as they anticipate that they are going to see each other in the video meeting. See this gif I found over tumblr world. The excitement and trepidation that they are going to see each other



Densi - Being in Love-The Consequences

Deeks -The Waiting at the Other End. Would he be in control of his passions ?

Kensi -The Action and Muddle of the call of duty and commitment. Would she be able to justify her actions based on her emotions? 



5x14-The WarCries, 5x15-Tuhon, 5x16-Fish Out of the Water , 5x17-Between the Lines

Its only Deeks who is being shown as waiting on the other end. Deeks is still in dark about Kensi’s Classified Mission. Its him who is being noticed by Granger, Hetty, Nate and finally the viewers who all know what kind of dangerous mission Kensi is on. Kensi all this while is just focussed on her mission perhaps to return soon. How is Deeks holding up?!! That is what these episodes are. There is that "Not really!" talk with Granger, asking him to enroll him for the Afghanistan Mission in Gemmill's WarCries story, there is that playing with Kensi's knife which Nate notes in Dave Kalstein's Tuhon episode. And in Fish Out of Water, Joe Sachs weaves a story for Densi and Deeks, with the serious side of the “Love Story” coming up for the first time after Frozen Lake. The complication of two working partners falling in love and what implications each can have regards to his or her career is touched upon through the Guest character DEA Agent Talia's story. 

Out of Work/Job...or Fish Out of Water - The consequences for Deeks or Kensi if they go along with their relationship is what Deeks and Kensi were supposed to talk about at the end of 5x10-The Frozen Lake Episode. And yet they had the misfortune to have the separation instead, which only added more feelings of longing with uncertainty around them than a deterministic approach towards their relationship. That idea of consequences is what Talia is able to provide to Deeks, when she narrates her story of what happened to her partner and beau when they wanted to take it to the next step, how it ended for them. It probably reminds Deeks that same arduous journey he has to take on the Frozen Lake. Would he be able to balance the emotion of passion and duty-call towards Kensi? And there comes in the metaphor of Winter in 5x16-FishOutofWater for Deeks. No he is not a weather wimp. Deeks is counting his every day apart from Kensi and keenly counting it as one day minus the winter that has to end, that separates him from the warmth that Kensi’s sunshine provides to him. Its the mittens, the groundhog day that keep Deeks spirits up even as he languishes inside and not even the Fish Dinner can make him leave the Bullpen without first finishing his appointment with Kensi. He is becoming a Fish out of the water without Kensi. Out of work is not so much a consequence to him if he is not allowed to work with Kensi if that is against the rule, but having no Kensi in his life is a deadly consequence to him. 

5x16-FishOutofWater, 5x17-BetweenTheLines, 5x18-Zero Days, 5x19-Spoils of War
What happened to Kensi there in Afghanistan during this time? Why did she not take the shot? Who was that White Ghost? Does Kensi know him? Why was she shocked in disbelief looking at that face of the White Ghost? And there goes Kensi off the radar for Deeks and Densi…our dreaded shocker moment for the Densi Love Story! Not only that Kensi puts the White Ghost Mission in jeopardy as she leaves the base camp to meet the White Ghost on her own without any weapons or satellite phone. She surrenders herself to the Taliban just to meet White Ghost. What is her plan? How is she going to serve her mission if she herself goes and asks to be made captive ? Are her actions justified for jeopardizing the mission ? And there ends the White Ghost Mission, the Afghanistan story for Kensi.

The White Ghost is none other than Jack Simon, Kensi's ex-fiance.Kensi's emotional outburst about Jack and that feeling of a wait coming to an end, makes me ask and her appeal to him to return to her made me wonder if her commitment to Densi was real?!! Even if she presumed Jack as dead for 9 years and now sees him alive, how far is her reaction correct? Clearly Kensi is not ready like Deeks for any kind of relationship. Season 2 when Deeks was introduced, Kensi had Jack missing for 6 years. The last 3 years, sort of she had something going on with Deeks and all of a sudden, Kensi is back to the same frozen moment of someone leaving her and she being unable to move on. Basically 3 years of Densi never happened for Kensi, until someone snaps her out of it.

Structurally speaking, Kensi's handling of Jack Simon past is something that is not smooth for the Densi Love Story. There is a lot of muddle and like images flitting before Kensi's eye. It seems clear to us that probably Kensi was never so much invested in her love story for Deeks and hence that emotional support was missing for her to get unstable so quicky. She does not have a solid footing on the ground and gets unstable between her clinging onto past when present circumstance is something else. And that brief moment of instability costs her, her mission, her life and her entire team has to come to her rescue.

Does Deeks have that stability then? Deeks briefly loses himself to rage when he is forced to accept the possibility that Kensi might have been killed already by the Taliban. Those are his raw passions, emotions engulfing, taking away his rationality and taking him close to see his heart that is also filled with Darkness. His partner on the mission Translator Sergeant Rabee Makar shows him how much rage he has inside of him and Deeks has come out in the open that Kensi is the only thing he cares about on this planet. Deeks loves Kensi, so much, that the opposite of love is what he starts to feel about the rest of the world that took Kensi away from him.  He wants to inflict the same amount of pain on someone else who could have been the agent in helping the cause of Kensi's death. He starts to torture the hostage Mullah Mohammed in blinding rage and pain. But then, Kensi is also his Sunshine and He is not "Deeks" if lets his emotions take away the reason and kindness from him. He cannot be the Max Gentry that Kensi does not like at all. Deeks recovers himself. He sure did find his ground of stability. Kensi is his emotional support in every way even when she is not there, with her guiding aura of sunshine around him.


Finally Densi meet. Kensi does not have anything left to offer Deeks. Deeks sees that Kensi and Jack had something solid together, even if they are parting their ways now. He can see that he does not have any of that kind of closeness with Kensi. He starts feeling awkward and something like a third wheel. What can one do, just accept the situation. Deeks musters himself up to say honestly what he feels about the situation without any kind of intention to intrude Kensi's privacy of her personal moments. First things first. "I am glad you are alive". And just like that Kensi slips into his arms unburdening her heart. Respect, Care, Honesty and Trust. Its back to the same "thing" between the two.

The Way Forward for Densi. What do they want to do with their Thing ? Is it really a Love Story? Is it really a Ship ? Is it really a Home? What is their Thing exactly? And most significantly, does Hetty have a choice other than to trust Deeks that he is going to manage the Ship because he has the Wheelhouse !


5x19-Spoils of War, 5x20-WindFall, 5x21-Three Hearts

As for the dramatic plotline about Densi Love story for the procedural, we still have hope like always. They are work partners, friends who understand and trust each other. The work and subtle shipping in story-telling will continue without any kind of conclusion of get together, because as shown in “5x16-Fish Out of Water” two work partners cannot fall in love as it gets complicated. The procedural drama cannot have romance shown, so instead by adding Kensi’s baggage of past love story through Jack Simon mellows down the love story for Densi and instead adds emotional depth to their relationship as partners, friends and family minus the typical relationship words of the couple in the form of “Girlfriend and Boy Friend”. There is no fairy tale love story. It was made up so far...like the White Ghost. But it certainly has a home. “We are going home. I got you.” That's what Deeks says to Kensi to pacify her pain for losing something that she longs for and cannot have it.



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5x20-Windfall -Kensi is back to work. 
But like Nell says and hits right home to everyone...."sometimes we wait for long time enough to get what we want, but when we get it, it is not exactly the same as we expected it to be, as we wanted it to be". And that applies to Deeks, Kensi, us and everyone. Kensi is back, but the Kensi that has returned home is not the same as the one we were knowing about her. Then how does everyone receive Kensi? How does Deeks receive her? And most important of all how does Kensi respond to everyone? How does everyone else respond to Deeks?

The entire body language about Deeks is to reflect how far he is stretching himself to be get into Kensi’s proximity, which he somehow is being blocked by circumstances to make her inaccessible to him. He is at her desk, setting her things, buying her coffee, but none of these gestures touch Kensi into anything except her blocking him out totally. At the end of the episode, while the rest of the team is having fun at Sam’s Desk, Deeks while participating in their talk is also leaning against the divider besides Kensi’s Desk, while waiting for Kensi to come down...because if she does come down and does come back to her desk, he can catch a few moments with her. Such is his desire to be with her, such is his longing to be with her. When she does come back, Deeks takes his chance and talks to her, that they have not have had a talk for a long time. Of course this is a hint that, this is what is going to happen in coming episodes. But the other interesting thing to happen for him after a long time, is Kensi reacting to his joke that is nothing but a way of speaking the truth. “I was worried, because I am sure Nell was falling in love with me”. He actually tries to bring out her possessiveness about him. We know that for sure. Kensi cannot stand any other female person taking interest in Deeks, let alone falling in love with him. Kensi can respond to him comfortably in a language she knows and which Deeks can understand. The Punch. “There she is”. “Here I am”. But in all seriousness, it also means to me from a Deeks point of view, that he meant to say, “I was worried about you not wanting to talk to me. I was thinking you had fallen in love with me, but may be that is not the case anymore”. 

Deeks waited for 5 months for Kensi to be back. And he complainingly asks Hetty to give him back his partner. It takes a loving boss to take Deeks demand kindly. Otherwise, Deeks tone to Hetty was almost rebellious, when he asked, “I wanted my partner back”; just like it was in 5x03-Omni when he says,”Ask me tomorrow” when she asked him if he was back. Shows his losing his edge, trying to find a meaning, why would Hetty not trust Kensi with him?! Is he not capable of taking care of Kensi?! more than anyone?! that seems to be his questioning as against Hetty’s administrative and qualified judgement call to detain Kensi from going on field without making her feel responsible enough on how serious she has to be while at work now. Hetty in her official capacity and also in personal capacity; does relent by the end of the episode that, she or for that matter anyone else other than Deeks cannot assess Kensi's true emotional condition after her stint in Afghanistan. If she must have her Special Agent recover quickly from a traumatic experience, she would have to entrust Kensi to Deeks care. There is no doubt about it that Kensi will not open herself to anyone else. The only person, close enough to break her walls has been Deeks. And Hetty is well aware of it. Hetty remains impartial in this decision from administrative point, Hetty employs Eric Beale and Nell Jones to come to this decision. She trusts Neric as friends of Densi and yet quite capable of deductive reasoning much needed on the job. After speaking to Eric, Hetty is able to table it in her official assessment that Kensi is bored and restless when not in the field and appears totally stable emotionally to him. She informs Kensi, that she is allowing her to work on the field as she has come to an understanding that, if she is kept apart from the field or Deeks, revelations would not happen about her emotional state. 

As for Kensi, after watching Nell and Eric make her feel totally incapable as them, her spirit just kicks in honestly to be humble enough to approach her boss and ask her to allow her to get back to “Agent-ing”. It was a big step for Kensi. Like in 5x02-Impact, Deeks came back to form at the carrot stick of Hetty having to find his replacement for Kensi’s partner, Kensi in tonight’s episode, feels the jolt of not being able to work with Deeks and that too someone who replaced her in a better way on the field and in the Ops Room where she was assigned for the day. Why this is important is because, Kensi has gone back to her shell and has grown comfortable in her inner pain by not reigning in her emotions. She also has stopped being responsive to Deeks as someone who loves her to infinity. But being left alone, with no partner, makes her kick herself alive. And then comes her possessive response about losing Deeks to someone else. The return and the punch. 



5x21-Three Hearts -The Deconstructing of Densi Thing and Constructing The Love Story
Dave Kalstein ended the “what’s in the Box?” with a Box in the Box. Something that he started in 4x14-Kill House for Densi. And his Kensi(DK’s Alter-ego) would have talked about “The Thing” had Deeks given the chance. Unfortunately we would not know what it would have been. To break off with Deeks or to make Deeks talk? We cannot know and its the end of Densi.

The Season of Love Story should end. A resolution needs to be brought in. And that is what happens end 5x21-Three Hearts. Dave Kalstein successfully breaks up Densi without breaking the Love Story at all. Racoons mate for life. Deeks and Kensi belong to each other. But as long as they are working, its better they keep their love story apart. That is the moral of the story. However from a writer perspective, what is beautiful is that, Dave Kalstein successfully is able to explain that its difficult to write or show something about a couple who are meant to be together, who are connected on platonic levels so much, that other things do not matter. Here is a couple, who deeply mean something for each other, that they are willing to sacrifice their heart for the other. Deeks does what Kensi intended to, though his heart bleeds while doing so. And that is his love story.

The talk about the ‘Thing’ that was so hyped up because of the need for the resolution for Densi story as a way forward. What was the resolution? The unanimous resolution of the #NCISLA Scribe is that, Densi’s “thing” is a mysterious Box within a Box. It could be a “Beginning of the End” or “End of the Beginning” in the ominous tones of Henrietta Lange. She still provides us that hope that it is the end of the beginning. So it can mean it could be beginning of the middle or whatever comes after beginning and “end” it cannot be because she disagreed with Granger.

If one is practical enough not to let emotions run, one can see that “thing” has been left as it is untouched. Except that Deeks became vocal and called it off before waiting for Kensi to even start. Did Deeks feel that Kensi was going to call it off? Was Kensi really calling it off? But that’s the “thing”. Kensi belongs to writers camp. And Kensi cannot make up her mind because the writers cannot yet. And Deeks being the outsider, its him who is played. Give him hope one moment. Dash his hopes next moment. And as vocal as Deeks can get about his hurt, he tosses the thing back to Kensi. She can make up her mind and come out with it. And when she does it better not be something about saying it would not work, because contrary to whatever they say, Deeks believes that “Racoons mate for life”.

The Densi relationship today stands at painful receiving end for Deeks. He had invested himself so much in that relationship, that it showed him how he could lose himself “heart of darkness”, that heart which he would never have wished anyone to see. But it did spill over and Sergeant Makar could see (in 5x19-Spoils of War). His fear is that in days to come, he might end up showing his third heart unwittingly to others like “Angelo”. He could compromise his mission because of his vested interest in Kensi’s well being.  Kensi asks him what does his third heart tell him? Now why would Kensi think, Deeks is going to do something that his third heart decides and tell her then itself ? Is she confident enough to know that his answer from his second heart would be influenced by the third heart? Eitherways, Deeks even from a serious point, finally succumbed to “complications” of falling in love with a partner. Its all over Joe Sachs 5x16-Fish Out of the Water. Deeks took a lesson from Talia and unfettered himself from Kensi, just as she would have released him, had  he not taken that step of releasing her.

All that remains of Densi, is that they are partners. Partners are back. And no more Lovers. Home is NCIS LA office. Not the Home of Deeks. A tough decision it was to make, but taken anyways by Deeks. Kensi still tries to keep the idea of The Box, floating. But Deeks calls it Touche and moves on. He needs something more than just a casual "Thing" He wants a Love Story. No less than that.

Beginning of the End or End of the Beginning!
The End of Profanity
The End of Indecisivness
The End of Beating around the Bushes
The End of Hide and Seek
The End of How it Began. The "This Thing" "No Thing" "Our Thing"
Its the Beginning of serious commitment - Its a Love Story
Its the Beginning of serious consideration.


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Season Ending and Finale Episodes 

5x22-One more Chance : We go on posing as loving couple while on job No risk in that as otherwise regulations do not allow us to be real couple. While the occassion called for was work related, the emotion added to the act by Kensi seemed quiet real.

5x23-Exposure :Tiny Miny repeats like rolling eyes or saving partner in explosions but mighty impact with no surprise left at all as if to say, that is what they are and that is what they do. Yin and Yang.
5x24-Deep Trouble-Part1-Season Finale : Deeks sandwiched between Kensi and Talia. Was that necessary? Seems so if One looks from where Gemmill is standing. 

How is Gemmill planning for the Densi Love Story? 


5x02-Impact : Deeks to Nate (to Himself in his head/subconscious) - Its a Love Story. Its a truth being reaffirmed to himself as Kensi walks into his home with the dinner. The assurance that he feels about her care for him, about her wanting him to be okay and about how warm he feels all about that care and attention.

5x14-War Cries : Deeks to Granger (to professional integrity) - We(Him and Kensi) are more than partners. Yeah, I know Assistant Director, we are partners, but I care for her more than as a partner, so would you be kind to tell me if she is in any danger ?
5x24-DeepTrouble-1 : Deeks to Talia (to personal freedom) - We are more of brother-sister relationship.  I don't have anything going on as a girl-friend and boy-friend with Kensi and yet I cannot say that we are like brother and sister. I mean to say that I am unavailable, though I wish I could have been available. Oh Yeah!!, you are HOT!!!! But problem is, Kensi is BEAUTIFUL!! 

Any idea why DEA Talia is so eager to join Deeks in the boatshed ? Whats the idea behind bringing her back? Is it to revive Densi Love Story that had been nipped in bud in 5x21-Three Hearts ? Gemmill believes in Densi and is also a Deeks fan. So I guess, Gemmill is giving a message to Dave Kalstein's Kensi that they are real girls out there to get Deeks if she keeps insisting on him to open Empty boxes as racoons mate for life.

In the finale EP, Gemmill makes Deeks say to Talia that his relationship with Kensi is more of a brother-sister relationship !!! Could it not have been rephrased as something else?!!! What is going on in Gemmill's mind? Why is the Love Story being underplayed from Deeks end when talking to Talia, when in 5x16 EP Deeks already sorta impressed Talia that he could be involved with his partner. 

Gemmill makes him behave as if he is shy and stuck between two attractive women, who equally punch him hard. And there it is out. Kissing is forbidden as per regulations, which of course gives us a reason why kisses cannot be shown while on the job. So is that end of the love Story? Is it that Talia is brought in to pep the losing love story with spice, such as competition for Kensi and adding confusion of two attractive women for Deeks?!!! Gemmill what are you doing? No more love story for Densi? Or is it because you were so confused by Kensi's boxes and felt liberated like Deeks when refusing to open the boxes about going on with the metaphorical "thing" in Dave Kalstein's 5x21-Three Hearts Episode; that you decided to take a plunge and color up Deeks marketable Lover Boy status? 

It is ridiculously interesting to see Kensi as usual acting highly possessive about Deeks, including the toilet seat conversation, as if to say she kinda owns even his peeing!!! Haha!! What a change from 2x09-Absolution where once Kensi called Deeks gay for having cheated her by going out with her brother, for calling her Sunshine and trying to make her his Wingman. Definitely, the reset is there. Deeks knows Kensi owns him, no longer free to go out with girls, though he might just want to have a flirty conversation just for fun, and that's why he is so quick with his comeback of "You are beautiful". And Kensi knows Deeks is actually up for grabs by any other competitive girl like her if she does not claim him first and kill the competition. Its not the same 2x23-Imposters situation where she has to pull him out (before he hooks up with Star), but actually needs to discipline him that he cannot just wander himself away from her by punching him and actually makes him see that indeed she is beautiful as she shows herself off to him later.

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Twitter News - Instagram Posts of Densi

Rescue mission complete. Last night on . Full episode:

                                                                                           Mar 18


What's in Kensi's trunk...? A sniper rifle and a messy gym bag. Don't know why I expected anything…

What's in Kensi's trunk...? A sniper rifle and a messy gym bag. Don't know why I expected anything…

VERY COOL ! RT : so sweet and so-hearted and so cool




If you see ericcolsen on the street make a 'Friends' reference. I promise you this…

Aaaand? RT : Pretty sure our girl just made a friends reference. Eye-roll for days.